Self-compassion is when you show the same love and care towards yourself that you show towards others and this can be done by using wisdom. Most of the time we cannot connect to this innate nature of ours because of our layers of emotions and external desires. Self-compassion is different from self-pity.
Now let us explore compassion
Compassion means to feel others dissatisfaction, suffering or pain. There are three ways to look at compassion.
- When you see others in pain
- When you want to act on the pain you see others are going through
- When you become aware that the impact of the pain same for everyone
- When you see others in pain
We have watched people get killed in Syria, India, Paris, New Zealand, Tibet, Africa and many other places and situations. We have felt their helpless and pain. We asked ourselves why this is happening and what is happening?
- When we want to act on the pain you see others are going through
We have also seen that people give food, clothes, medicine and other things to different NGO’S and do their best to help. Our hearts are filled with warmth, caring and desire to stop the pain if we would.
- When you become aware that the impact of the pain same for everyone
We then start to realize that it does no matter what color, race or religion we come from we all are same when it comes to pain and suffering. As human beings we are no different from one another. We have shared experience and we as human race are not perfect but we can start to be aware of it by learning self-compassion first.
How to observe, feel and act on your pain through self-compassion
Self-compassion is observing, feeling and acting the same way towards yourself like you would do for others in pain. For example your friend lost her mother, son or has got the news she has cancer. When you hear these words your first reaction is you want to be there for her and not run away from her by thinking I cannot deal with this. Instead you go there to comfort her.
So when you are confronted with personal failure and difficult times like you don’t like yourself physical or mentally, you have lost your job or your boss is stressing you are frustrated in a relationship, loss of your dear ones and so on. You tend to self-criticizing and judge yourselves. You forget to give yourself the same comfort that you gave to your friend. We all need to know and understand No one is PERFECT. There is nothing called perfect. It is time to love, care and honor yourself. You need to stop fighting with reality and open your heart. This will lead you to feel compassion for yourself, other human beings and animals as you experience this life.
Acceptance and ready to change
When practicing self-compassion it is important to be very clear about these points.
You are ready and accepted that you need to change the way things are in your life
You are not going to suppress or fight the pain anymore, if you do it will get worse
Apply the practice gratitude breathing
Sit in a comfortable on floor, chair or if you want to lie you can do that too. If you want you can close or open your eyes as you like. Relax your body. Make sure you have nothing that will disturb you. Bringing your attention towards our breathing and notice where can feel your breathing. Is I on your upper lips, chest or abdomen? Explore your body. If your mind is wondering bring your attention back to your breathing. Now put your hand on your heart and bring kindness to your breath by thanking your breath. It is because of this breath that you came to this world and allow yourself to appreciate this breath as it happens automatically in your body. Be grateful to your breath. Now just remain in this moment and enjoy this experience of your body.
Planning the seed for inner peace by doing
Write what has happened or happening in our life in a journal. This is only for you
Drink a cup of tea, coffee and relax when you can
Work in your garden or grow something in your balcony
Walk, talk or help the old people in your area
Go for walk, massage, meditate or meet a friend.
Engage in some charity in our community or where you think you will feel peaceful
Forgive yourself and others
Be grateful for the people and things you have in your life right now at this moment
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