Am I controlling? | Controlling Behavior Signs, Causes | MindLifeSkills
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Am I controlling?


Every person must have a healthy level of control in order to direct our lives, chase his/her desires and ambitions. When this type of controlling tendency becomes extreme it can harm your relationships, career, and sense of well being.

“Am I Controlling”? if this is the question roaming in your mind, it means that your controlling behavior is not a healthy control and your controlling nature has become toxic for others.

Controlling behavior can be highly dangerous for any relationship including husband-wife, mother kid, brother sister, girlfriend boyfriend, or a boss and employee. Controlling habit is not good for any relationship and peaceful life.

We all do things or handle a situation in our own specific way. But when we cross the very fine line between being specific and being controlling, we go wrong. Controlling people are likely to destruct their own relationships and other aspects of life.

Let’s take an example of a husband-wife relationship where being a controlling person can devastate your partner’s self-esteem. It automatically weakens the trust between you and your partner meddling with the communication. And we all know trust and communication are crucial elements for a healthy relationship. When there is no trust and communication it becomes toxic.

Why Am I Controlling?

It’s very important to know that why are you becoming a controlling person. When you feel that you are becoming a controlling person you are likely to know that why are you prospering this controlling tendency.

The need for control is originated in insecurity and fear. Anxiety can be a major reason for developing a controlling nature. People who are suffering from anxiety may acquire controlling behavior to fix their feelings of anxiety.

You may feel that by controlling your circumstances you can feel balanced and functional in your life. In chase of the aim of developing well-founded security, you feel desirous to control everything around you, from your finances, relationships, and even the lives of other people around you.

If the thoughts like “Am I Controlling” and “Why Am I Controlling”  are also coming into your mind, again and again, it may be because you have some kind of anxious feelings or you have grown under the care of individuals who have not afforded sufficient sense of security and safety for you..

4 Signs you are controlling:


How could I know that I am controlling? Are there some signs to know I am controlling?

Yes, there are some signs which can help you determine that you are a controlling person or not. I have mentioned 4 signs below which can help you recognize your controlling nature.


The need for control generally glares in the search of inaccessible perfection. Even in the best circumstances, you may feel that everything should go the way you want so that you can feel the peace you want in your life.  Aim attention at perfection without ample of resilience is a direct call for disaster. Strict perfectionism crashes your relationships and complete satisfaction in life. If you feel that pleasing other people is the way to comfort and security,  perfectionism is unavoidable for the success or you put off the things till another day then these are the significant signs that its time to address your need for perfectionism and need for control.

You cant let mistakes go:

People who are too controlling, they usually cry over the scattered milk and take everything personally. They blame themselves for the mistakes of whether or not it has anything to do with them or their career. When you blame yourself for the mistakes and you feel unable to let go of the mistakes, this kind of approach shows social results that can hinder you and all your relationships.

You feel lonely:

When we talk about perfectionism it’s not alone but it has a buddy i.e. self-loathing. When you badly want perfectionism it may bring the feeling of isolation. You may isolate yourself from others due to the fear of denial. In that case, you can be unsuccessful to recognise that the actual reason behind your need for control doesn’t originate from others’ actions but it comes from your own lack of self-confidence. Then you become unable to communicate and connect with others due to the non-sensible commands you want to put on them.

You are critical of others:

As I have discussed above, perfection is the main sign that shows that you are controlling. Perfectionism and projection go hand in hand. When you are determined on perfectionism, you want it anyhow and you feel unable to take your imperfections. Then you start projecting your imperfections onto the others in the form of too much criticism. when you become fault-finding about others because of the illogical demands you place on others and yourself too, you yourself set your all relationships up for the breakdown.

If you are also experiencing above mentioned signs that means you are being a controlling person or you are a controlling person. This behavior is not good for you, your career, and your relationships. It can be harmful for your life. You should work on it. You can find out your specific needs for being a controlling person.

Once you determine that you have developed a controlling tendency, you can learn how to stop being controlling. You can try improving yourself or you can see a therapist to know how to address and improve your controlling behavior. It is essential to maintain your sense of peace and your personal and professional relationships.

Kalden’s motive is to help you recognize such issues that can negatively impact all aspects of your life. For more similar blogs keep following